Welcome to Retail

I quite frequently read a blog about the food service industry by The Bitchy Waiter (a must-read, btw!) and it's HILARIOUS.  He talks about the work involved, the things you have to watch out for, and -of course- all the stupid people that come with the job...  Well, Bitchy Waiter, I relate to you.  I don't work in the food service industry (anymore...), but I do work in retail.  And man, there are some STUPID people out there!  This post is in honor of you:

When working in retail, you come across all sorts of annoying things -

• People who hand you lists and expects you to go shopping for them, regardless of what you were doing when they found you.
• People who allow their kids to throw balls, towels, frozen shrimp packages, popped popcorn, and marbles down the aisles until someone else complains.  In which case, they act as if they are surprised that their kid would ever do such a thing and then "reprimand" their child by saying, "Now Johnny..."
• Stolen condoms.
• People who put change on the counter instead of in your open hand right in front of their face.
• That one really annoying person who knocks something off the shelf, looks at it, and walks away.
• Stolen movies.
• The co-worker who's always SUPER excited to be at work to fold towels.
• Fake money.
• Children paying in nothing but pennies and its parent thinking it's so "darling!"
• Screaming children.
• Children who can't hold their bladder.
• Adults who can't hold their bladder.
• People who return things with a long story describing every detail about how the shirt wouldn't fit their overweight spouse.
• People who get in your line when you clearly just told them you're closed.
• Stolen CDs.
• Clothing items in the milk cooler.
• People who threaten to go to Wal-mart or Best Buy or Target..
• People who get in line and start unloading, only to go back for that "one last thing!" and hold up everyone else.
• Black Friday
• People on their cell phone when they're talking to you.
• People who yell my name off of my name tag from down the aisle as if they're my best buddy.
• People who walk in as we're closing to "just get something really quick!"
• That old guy who snaps his fingers at me to get my attention.
• People who touch me.
• People who don't understand tax...
• Fake IDs.
• The morning person that comes in every day right as we open and cleans the register out of cash.
• All the stuff left behind and returned at the end of the night that we have to stay later to put away.
• People who ask for rolls of coins.
• People who ask for advice and no matter how sophisticated it is, your answer will never be good enough.
• People who think they're better than you because you're "serving" them.

There are a lot of up-sides, too, though.

Like:

• Box knives.
• Free candy.

....Wait, there's got to be more than that, right?  Right?