Cell Phone Etiquette

I realized that there are actually some people out there that are unaware of how much a cell phone and a "private conversation" between them and the other end of the call are affecting other people.  So now I bring you: the do's and don'ts of cell phones in retail.

Do:

• End your conversation before you check out in line.
• Call someone if you have a problem locating them while in the same store.
• Have all giftcard or registry barcodes or names scannable or readable and ready before approaching an employee with a question about said giftcard/registry.
• Call or text it if you lose it in the store.
• Have an emergency or I.C.E. (In Case of Emergency) number listed.
• Have fun ringtones that I can dance/sing to since I have to listen to it go off anyway.
• Use it as a calculator instead of asking me what 30% off would be.
• Engrave your phone with your name. (genius idea!)

Don't:

• Check out in my line and ignore me while talking on your phone.
• Ask me questions and then pick up your phone while I'm answering you.
• Throw your battery "accidentally" under a soda cooler and make me fetch it for you.
• Slide your phone down the aisle to see how far it will go on the newly waxed floors and wait for me to slip and fall on it.
• Let your children play with it and then yell at them when they press buttons.
• Have a heated discussion on the phone and ask me questions about who I think is right or wrong.
• Use your phone as a measuring tape.
• Put your phone on a random shelf and forget where you left it.
• Talk on the phone via a bluetooth device while looking straight at me and ask a question.
• Have a lock on your phone ('cause if you lose it, we can't answer it when you call.)

And finally....

• Don't drop your phone in the toilet (after you used it) and ask us to get it out for you.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly....

We're holding a special today!  For one day only we're featuring:

The Good: A younger lady came up to the service desk today to return an item and we had a very pleasant conversation.  She wanted to know all about how my day was going (a rare occurrence), if I got to go home any time soon and enjoy the rest of the day (an even rarer occurrence), and then wished I'd have a "fabulous day!"
But wait, there's more!  She left with her receipt, but came back about 3 minutes later with a little child's left flip-flop they must've lost in the parking lot.  She came all the way back in to give it to us!  And, on top of it, came back (again) a moment later when she found the child and his mother to pick up the shoe and deliver it to them.  There is still hope in this world!!

The Bad: I was blocking off a cashier's lane so they could leave and clock out for the day when someone came up and asked me if they were still open.  I stated clearly that they were closed, but the checkout lane right next to it was open if they wanted to go there.  The person looked me in the eye and said, "oh, okay" and seemed to leave.  Little did I know, she was actually waiting 'til I wasn't looking anymore... For when I turned around, who did I see?  YES.  That sneaky little woman had gone around me when my head was turned and hopped right into the closed line!  And what's worse, when the cashier asked her how if she found what she was looking for, she pulled out her cell phone and started chatting.  How rude.

The Ugly: Being a smaller store, we have limited means in the handicapped department as far as motorized carts go.  We have a whopping total of: 2.  And when an overweight couple comes in (we're talking the kind that can't see their feet past their chins) and wants to use both carts because walking is clearly too much of a hassle, we then have a total of 0.
This created a problem a few days ago when an elderly gentleman wanted to go shopping with his grandchildren.  It was apparent that he had trouble getting around with just his cane and the cast on his leg indicated a broken foot in the near past.  He wanted a motorized cart.  Unfortunately they were trapped underneath the couple, probably sputtering and wheezing out their last breath and crying for help somewhere down the chips/snacks aisle.  He said he understood and went over to the little cafe area with his grandkids to wait for them to return.  45 minutes later, up come the carts going 3.4mph with their passengers taking their time.  The man waited patiently without complaint and in the meantime bought the kids a bag of popcorn and a drink and had their own little laughs while they were there.  They were grateful to receive the cart (almost an hour later), but I wish they didn't have to wait.

Last Minute Shoppers

The time is 1 minute 'til closing.  This is the time for waiting - waiting for those last 3 guests to bring their items to the front to check out.  Once they're out of the store, we're FREE.  (Well, not really... we just don't have to deal with any more people after closing time.)  But anyway, 2 guests come up, check out, and leave... the third one is on their way and I am anxiously watching the seconds tick by.  45... 44... 43... 42...

And then the doors open.
5 more people walk in.
And the phone rings.
Twice.

This is the time when my patience is tested and I see how well I can hold back a groan that would wake the Lochness Monster himself from his sleeping depth in the whats-it-called lake and all the while holding a smile on my face as if nothing is wrong.

And don't ask me "if it's okay."  'Cause even though I'm required to tell you, "yes." it's really not.  Hours of operation exist for a reason.  And the reason is so I can go home. There's even a sign on the door that says we're closed.  It's the one that says: C-l-o-s-e-d.  Do not come in.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200. 
People should really go to jail for that.

Why the Rush?

People are always in such a hurry.  I worked at Disney World a little while back and it's funny to watch people run from one side of the park to the other - jumping over people, shoving them aside, dragging their kids behind them - just to cut in front of one person in line.  They'd rush for 10 minutes just to wait in line for 40 minutes.  Dude, you're going to be waiting in line anyway so why do you need to hurry?

The same applies for shopping.  When women "go shopping," they either take their time and try on clothes and look at jewelry or they just come in for one or two things they happened to forget from the time before.  When families shop, they start off slow but then the kids get bored and start to goof off and that eventually turns into the mother yelling at the kids to stop screaming and throwing things and the father pretending he's not part of the family.  And men... Well, most men just don't "shop."

A woman was in a hurry yesterday to get to my store.  Not to buy groceries or to pick up some last minute item before work - to come to a clothing store.  As I am walking out at the end of my shift, a car breaks at the stop sign in front of the crosswalk to let people pass (myself included) and exit the store.  The car behind this one, however, did not like this idea.  So she decides to pass the stopped car by pulling into the oncoming lane and shove her way through the pedestrian crosswalk.  I am in the pedestrian crosswalk.  I am also the closest to her car.  I am also about hit by her car!  We're talkin' her barely braking less than 1 foot away from me and my frail little body.  I wanted to slam my hands down on her hood and yell, "I'm walkin' here!"  But I didn't know if that would be a bit much.

Pet Peeve #23: Changing your mind

Not many things in retail upset me - perhaps that's why I've stuck with it for so long.  But one of my biggest pet peeves has developed from working in retail: the inability for people to own up to the fact that they don't want something.  It seems like such an easy and simple thing... You don't want it, so put it back.  Don't just leave it on a shelf and hope someone else will pick up after you.

You think I don't see you, lady in the blue shirt.  You just so happened to pass me barely inches away and, without glancing back, throw some black shorts onto my shelf I was trying to fix.  As if I wouldn't notice!  Is it really so inconvenient to tell your cashier that you don't want something?  I mean, really - how hard is it to say 4 little words, "I changed my mind."
It's so much easier for us (who've probably helped you find and pick out the product to begin with) to deal with it immediately once you're done with it than to find it in the toy aisle or (more often than not) stuffed in with the condoms.

Lesson of the day - Stop leaving things stuffed inside a cooler just because you changed your mind.  It's annoying.

Reading is Only Sometimes Necessary in Life

A woman calls me over to the register today to ask me a question: "I saw something on sale for $2.50, but I didn't like it.  So I went and picked up some Sprite instead.  Can I get the same price?"

I thought she was joking at first.  She looked to be about 34 years of age or so and at least semi-intelligent (which could have been my first mistake) so the possibility of her being able to read was one I thought she had in the bag.  Apparently I was wrong.

I said, "Wait... you want this product for the price of something else in a different part of the store?"

"Yeah, is that okay?"

"Haha!  Oh, uhm........No."

Seriously, lady?  What's wrong with you?

That's How You Know Today's A Good Day

The most amazing thing ever happened yesterday!!

I'm helping a "guest" in the checkout lane who is arguing over the price of a gazebo.  She wants it for almost $100 lower than the price listed and I say no.  So she yells at me, pushes the giant piece of lumber in a box into my face saying, "I'd catch that if I were you!!" and then storms off and out the door because our clearance price was not good enough for her... -typical response.

About 5 minutes later, she decides to come back inside in one great huff and sticks a finger in my face.

"I'm going to take a picture of that sign to show you how messed up your store is!"  She stomps off again.

Okay, at this point, I don't really care what she does.  She can even take a picture of my backside as long as she just goes away....  Not only do I have to find somewhere to put this 9ft top-heavy box sticking out of a cart and help everyone else in line, but I now have the lovely feeling of the impending doom awaiting whenever she decides to come back.

Finally, after sitting and twiddling my thumbs, biting my fingernail, and hopping up and down like a puppy when they know their favorite person ever is about to come home..... she appears.  She holds her finger above her head, wagging it furiously, and greets me with an, "I'm sorry."

I literally did a double-take! "Whaaa-?"

"I must have misinterpreted the sign.  I was in a hurry.  My mother sent me in last minute to get some things and you know how that is..."

I asked her if we could get the other one she's looking for, but apparently we're all out.

"I'm so sorry again.  Thanks for your help!  See ya later!"

She almost giggles in her own pride that she was able to be the bigger person about it and skips out of the store, probably forgetting exactly how angry she was with me not 15 minutes before when I thought her head was going to swivel around in its axis with glowing red eyes and shoot flames at me through her teeth.  Apparently now we're BFFs!  Look.... I made a new friend.

Welcome to Retail

I quite frequently read a blog about the food service industry by The Bitchy Waiter (a must-read, btw!) and it's HILARIOUS.  He talks about the work involved, the things you have to watch out for, and -of course- all the stupid people that come with the job...  Well, Bitchy Waiter, I relate to you.  I don't work in the food service industry (anymore...), but I do work in retail.  And man, there are some STUPID people out there!  This post is in honor of you:

When working in retail, you come across all sorts of annoying things -

• People who hand you lists and expects you to go shopping for them, regardless of what you were doing when they found you.
• People who allow their kids to throw balls, towels, frozen shrimp packages, popped popcorn, and marbles down the aisles until someone else complains.  In which case, they act as if they are surprised that their kid would ever do such a thing and then "reprimand" their child by saying, "Now Johnny..."
• Stolen condoms.
• People who put change on the counter instead of in your open hand right in front of their face.
• That one really annoying person who knocks something off the shelf, looks at it, and walks away.
• Stolen movies.
• The co-worker who's always SUPER excited to be at work to fold towels.
• Fake money.
• Children paying in nothing but pennies and its parent thinking it's so "darling!"
• Screaming children.
• Children who can't hold their bladder.
• Adults who can't hold their bladder.
• People who return things with a long story describing every detail about how the shirt wouldn't fit their overweight spouse.
• People who get in your line when you clearly just told them you're closed.
• Stolen CDs.
• Clothing items in the milk cooler.
• People who threaten to go to Wal-mart or Best Buy or Target..
• People who get in line and start unloading, only to go back for that "one last thing!" and hold up everyone else.
• Black Friday
• People on their cell phone when they're talking to you.
• People who yell my name off of my name tag from down the aisle as if they're my best buddy.
• People who walk in as we're closing to "just get something really quick!"
• That old guy who snaps his fingers at me to get my attention.
• People who touch me.
• People who don't understand tax...
• Fake IDs.
• The morning person that comes in every day right as we open and cleans the register out of cash.
• All the stuff left behind and returned at the end of the night that we have to stay later to put away.
• People who ask for rolls of coins.
• People who ask for advice and no matter how sophisticated it is, your answer will never be good enough.
• People who think they're better than you because you're "serving" them.

There are a lot of up-sides, too, though.

Like:

• Box knives.
• Free candy.

....Wait, there's got to be more than that, right?  Right?